rase macam pernah tulis entry mcm ni tp malas nk look through previous post balik..hehe
so, how's ttc treating you?
being a ttcian is tough, but somehow it change you to be a better person kan?
i wrote this not to brag or riak (Nauzubillah), but just to share what i felt and what happen to me since i start planning for pregnancy.
at first, i became so knowledgeable! haha. i start to search every single aspect of getting pregnant, what food should i take, what i hv to prevent, which is the best supplement, what happen to my reproductive system, what drugs help with ttc..i googled almost everyday. ttc had became my major in my research (kalo buat paperwork ni dah cemerlang dah..haha)
then it come to a point of experimenting...i try this vitamins, this milk, that method etc etc etc...pantang baca success stories sikit dah nk try. but not all i had tried yet (such as acupuncure, bekam, homeopathy). i tried berurut once but im a bit skeptical of this urut thingy.. takut dgn bidan tu die masukkan benda2 lain ke...erkkk..
but as a human, after all methods fail, you will return back to The Creator. i seek back what i had missed.. i perfecting my solah little by little as i watch my husband perform solah so perfect i became so jealous of him. it is not just the way you pronouce the ayah, it is also how to sit for tahiyat awal, how to angkat takbir or the way you fold your legs when sujud. it's all matters. then, i try to increase my good deads my doing zikr everytime i drove back n forth to work and home. i bought this cute digital tasbih counter and it really help me boost my spirit to do zikr when im driving. so, what i do is, i recite istighfar when on my way to work atleast 1000 times, and salawat for our Prophet 1000 times when i drove home. it was hard at first as i like to tune in to ERA FM when driving and listening to johara's joke keep me awake and focus., but it's weird to listen to songs when you do zikr, a really a contradictory act lol.. so, i tune off the radio and focus on my zikr. but i became bored..so i tune in to IKIM fm, and to my surprise, it helps me to stay focus on my zikr and if im bored or sleepy, i stop and listen to IKIM fm. by doing this, i manage to gain 2 things at a time! knowledge and zikr. alhamdulillah. another thing is i start to concern about my act of sadaqah. so i bought the Aman Palestine piggy bank that only cost RM2 and me n husband trying hard as much as possible to donate everyday and everytime we see that piggy bank. and lastly not to forget about reciting the most famous Prophet Zakaria's du'a. i discipline myself to recite it after each prayer and i 'force' my husband to do that too as i manage to make him memorize that ayat..hehe..good job sayang!
other than that, i realize that my mindset about getting babies are also change. at first i thought getting babies IS THE MAJOR ISSUE! but i was wrong. the purpose of marriage is far more bigger than that!. all this while, im not happy if my period came or i heard news of my best friends are pregnant. hence, it doesnt help me much either. im not happy, my partner stress out whenever im on my no-mood mode. happiness was put on getting babies. then i realize im not going to live my life not being happy because im not pregnant yet. what if in God's will i will not get pregnant at all? am i going to be upset my whole life? hell no! i hv to live my life to the fullest. now im in a mode of changing my view of life im living on. we r ttc ing as hard as we could but we leave the rest to The All Mighty. we laugh when we do stupid things, we cry to ease our burden.
let's change from inside out. you will feel the sweetness of ttc.
Happy Ramadhan Karem everyone. why not make a new start this ramadhan?